I haven’t been asked why I started my blog yet, but when someone does, I will gladly give them the lengthy answer I have pondered, prayed about, and truly thought about for over two years.
I don’t know about you, or how many of you have felt lost, or stuck, but I’m sure you have multiple times in your life, and probably will think that at some point or again if you are like me, aka human. Feeling lost or stuck is part of life; it’s simply inevitable due to the imperfection of our humanity and the natural man inside each of us. We are all made for a greater purpose than we can ever imagine, but to get to that point in our lives where we understand, want to understand, or simply have given up our stubbornness on trying to do things on our own, we must surrender our will to a higher path/calling/way.
Whether you are religious or not, there is a higher power in the universe. I believe there is a God, and I bewhich me to this point in my life where I chose to start my blog. There is a long story to this, so sit tight and hold your horses for just a brief moment while I explain.
What was the beginning of the journey to starting my blog?
Way back in the year of 2022, I had my oldest daughter, E. She has grown to be such a sweet and kind little girl. Ever since she was born, I knew I wanted to be home with my kids until they could all be in school. I didn’t want to have a job that required me to be away from them while they were still learning their basic skills. I didn’t want to miss those incredible and critical milestones in their young years. I knew being a stay-at-home mom was going to be my job for the next however many years until I decided otherwise.
It was an easy and hard decision for me to make. Easy, because I get to be with my baby all day, every day, getting to witness the beauty of life and watch her grow up right before my eyes. It was hard to decide to be a stay-at-home mom because Ethan and I were both still college students, paying a ridiculous amount of money in rent, gas, groceries, and now medical bills. I could have gone back to work, or found a job that would have helped us to pay the bills, but somehow I knew we could do it solely on the one income we had from Ethan working.
How did we make it work for the first few years?
Thanks to some really good neighbors that we now consider friends, Ethan was able to pick up another job that he could do from home, so we now had two incomes, still from Ethan, which he was more than happy to choose. Still, barely scraping by with what we made, we were able to provide for our little family, and still make it work to move back home to where our immediate families lived.
We had such amazing experiences that allowed us to save up enough money for either a good apartment or a house, if one became available and a good fit for us. Ethan’s grandparents were incredibly generous in the fact that they let us live with them for 5 months, including our cat that we had living with us at the time. They went from just the two of them and their very old cat, to their grandson, his wife they didn’t know super well yet, a great grandbaby they were beyond excited to get to know, and a spastic cat.
We would not have made it to where we are if we didn’t have their support while we were able to find a home that suited our family’s needs and be able to have a place of our own. Our parents played a huge role in this as well, as we got to see them quite regularly without having to drive a whole day to see each other. We were able to form bonds with everyone deeper than we had previously. Thankfully, they were all so loving and supportive of our situation, and continued to help us out in any way we needed.
How did we find our current house in this market?
House and apartment tours were difficult to come by, with a market that increased so quickly. There wasn’t much in our price range as far as houses go, so we were pretty sure we were going to have to find an apartment. Which would have been just fine if that’s the path we were supposed to take. However, to our surprise, a double complex popped up on the market, and we requested a walk-through with a realtor.
We had never met her before, and somehow we felt we knew her after meeting. She was so sweet and knowledgeable about what we should and shouldn’t look for. She didn’t sugar coat anything and was very understanding and respectful about what we wanted in a home. She told us she had a lead from one of her coworkers, and that she’d get back to us asap. The next week, we had already scheduled an appointment for a house walk-through with her on a house that wasn’t even on the market yet. We toured it and placed the offer the same day. The owner accepted, and the process of buying our first house began.
Oh, what a process that was to have to sign all those fancy papers, applying for loans, creating accounts, and signing up for 1st time home owners. It was a lot in two months, but we made it work! It somehow lined up perfectly for us at the exact time we needed it to. Fast forward five months, and we found out we were expecting another baby. We kept it secret for a few months, as I love a good surprise. We found out we were having another girl, we were ecstatic to not have to buy much of anything because we already had everything from E. What a blessing hand-me-downs are… Anyways, I began to feel a lot of anxiety and sadness while pregnant with baby U.
I felt lost, stressed about school, and lonely from Ethan having to work so much. Even though I had E with me all day, it didn’t feel like I got the adult interactions that I needed from my husband, family, and friends, which I needed to stay happy and loved. Nobody besides Ethan knew how I was feeling; he did so much for me, and did so much for me in that time.
How have I dealt with feelings of anxiety and sadness?
Those feelings came and went quite often, but I never felt the need to see anyone for them. I probably could have, but it wouldn’t have done much good, as what I needed was someone I could talk to, or spend time with outside of myself. I didn’t want to ask for it, or it didn’t feel like it would have been a genuine want from the other person to spend time with me, if that makes sense. I wanted to feel wanted. Sometimes I still struggle with that, and I think everyone does to some extent. You are not alone if you feel that way! If you need a friend to hear you, to listen, to talk to, or if you just want to feel wanted. I get it, and I am here for you in any way I possibly can be.
Once baby U was born, I knew something needed to change for myself. I kept going with school, I changed my major, and was pursuing something that seemed like a better fit for my future career. In April of this year, I decided to put my schooling on pause. I struggled with this debate of whether or not I should go to school for over a year. Finally, I took the question to God. I didn’t know what to do, I felt lost and always stressed about my classes.
I know stress is a normal part of school, but I was stressing over things that were unnecessary to the point I didn’t feel happy in my normal day-to-day life. After this final decision to put my schooling on hold, I knew that it felt right. I have since felt good about the decision, and have felt so much lighter and easier to feel happy about everything again. I still have my moments, but so does anyone.
What made me want to start blogging?
Starting my blog was a pretty easy decision, as I wanted to find something to do with my time, while being productive, and still being able to expand my knowledge. I don’t know everything about blogging just yet, but I plan to continue learning and gaining more understanding and experience. This has given me a sense of purpose. It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me to write my thoughts, my feelings, my goals, and how I have worked through so many things in my life thus far.
What is it like to be a stay-at-home mom?
I’m not just a stay-at-home mom; I don’t just have laundry to do, but I get to work on something that builds my self-confidence, something that encourages me to work hard, and hopefully helps me to eventually help provide for our family someday. It may take some time to get to that point, but dedication through putting in the effort, and always striving to be better each day, I know I can become the mom, the wife, the dreamer, and the blogger that I want to be. You can do anything you put your mind to, all you gotta do is try! I found purpose beyond the piles of laundry, beyond being just a mom, beyond being just a wife, and beyond being just an individual with a million dreams.
“I believe I’m here for a reason, and my purpose is greater than my challenges.”
McKenna Sanders
The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog
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