Before Ethan and I had kids, we always imagined what we would be like as parents. As one does, we contemplated the scenarios where we would get to play hide and seek, teach them how to ride bikes, watch them crawl for the first time, etc. Now that we have passed a lot of milestones with our girls, it’s fun to look back at the memories and realize how much of a blessing it’s been to watch them grow.
I always dreamed that I was going to the be most fun mom ever. I want to be the home that all the kids want to come over and play at, I want to be the family that people always have kind things to say about. Needless to say, I want my children to have the best life possible. The best way that I can ensure that they do, is for Ethan and I to be the best parents we can be.
What is Our Parenting Style?
Introducing Gentle Parenting at it’s Finest. If you search up gentle parenting, you’ll get a lot of the things that are part of our parenting strategies and skills, such as emphasizing empathy, respect, and understanding to nurture the relationships we have with our children. Gentle parenting means that we are gentle with our words, our actions, and our thoughts about and towards our children as well as with one another. We cannot create a home of peace, love, respect, and understanding if we are not willing to be gentle towards one another just as much as we are with our children. It starts with the parents, and it must continue down to the kids.
I’d say we are pretty strict about it with leniency. Meaning that we will be set about taking the time to teach E and U about the importance of their emotions, and learning why they are feeling a certain way. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to teach instead of react. There have been times where I’ve instinctively reacted then had to take a step back, and apologize for reacting so quickly without thinking. I then typically have a conversation about what we are both feeling, and how we can better react with those specific emotions. I will be honest, there are days where I struggle with this, but I really try to remember, because ultimately being the best I can be for my children helps me to be the best I can be for myself and for my husband.
What’s Our Policy On Screen Time with Toddlers?
One other thing that we are doing and implementing in our parenting has been trying to limit screens as much as possible. We don’t allow screens until 2 years old except for taking pictures, or facetiming/marco poloing with family. We actually just barely started allowing our oldest to watch a tv show now and then for no more than one hour a day. We don’t allow her to watch everyday, as we want her to use her imagination and find ways to play on her own, with her sister, or with one of us. We also have only allowed her to watch the same 10 episodes of Daniel Tigers Neighborhood over and over again. We believe the lessons in this show allow her to gain some valuable life lessons that we also have been teaching her outside of the show. It has great lessons that even I can utilize and remember to use in my life. With the lessons there are catchy songs that are fun to sing around the house to help remind us to share, to breathe, to rest, and even try new foods. Screen time is not healthy for young minds unless used for learning purposes, and this is something Ethan and I are really passionate about. Not to mention we too look at our screens way too much throughout the day, and limiting that for ourselves has boosted our moods, strengthened our marriage, and ultimately sets the example for our children.
Something that I have tried with E, and will try again when the situation calls for it has been something we call reflection time. You’ve probably heard of the term time out, and it’s basically like that, but we don’t leave them to sit by themselves. Our littles don’t understand why what they did or said was wrong, which is why teaching them and helping them understand is so important to their brain development. During reflection time, I usually have E sit on the stairs, on the couch, on a chair, and I sit with her. I don’t let her sit alone, because I don’t want her to think that when she does something wrong that she has to be alone, shamed, or shunned. I don’t like to be alone with my thoughts when I have been reprimanded, or put in my place. I tend to overthink and get really self-deprecating when that happens, so I typically surround myself with my loved ones, and I’m usually supported, hugged, and heard by those willing to listen. This helps me to not only calm down, and know that I am still loved, cherished, accepted, and most importantly not alone. This is what E deserves when she is learning too. She deserves someone willing to listen, to love, accept, cherish, and someone willing to understand and help her to do the same. This helps us to balance those emotions, those tantrums, the experiences, and everything in between with respect and love.
Has Parenting Been Difficult for Us?
Parenting is not easy, but it also isn’t as hard as some people believe it is or should be. Gentle parenting is most definitely not easy, but we’ve learned to take it one step at a time. Reflecting each day on how we can be better parents, how we can prepare to teach them right from wrong, and how we can lead by example for other first time parents. Setting clear boundaries in our family and in our home is the place we start when we want to create and stick to a goal we have for our future. What I mean is that if we want to have a home and family full of love, we need to have a boundary that we always say “I love you” no matter what. We always give loves when we are happy, sad, hurt, excited, when we get up for the day, when we go to bed, when we take naps, etc. Setting this as a boundary or an expectation in our home helps us to find love for one another more easily on the days that are hard. It helps us to have love for each other when we hurt one another, or when we do something unkind. Another boundary we have is something many would find silly, but it’s taken trial and error and we are sticking to it. We don’t allow E to have more than two fruit snack packets a day. One is the goal, and two is the absolute most. She is a fruit snack fein, and would probably eat them for every meal and snack of the day if we let her. We like fruit snacks too, as well as many other yummy treats and snacks, but as an individual I also set limits for myself. I would love to eat chocolate all day everyday, and snack on ice cream, cheese, muffins, breads of all kinds, etc. That’s just not logical or healthy to do, therefore setting that boundary not only helps keep me from getting extremely unhealthy and sick, it also saves our budget from plummeting. The same goes for fruit snacks with E. They are yummy, and a good little snack, but limiting her to one and sometimes two a day is beneficial to her health.
Why is Gentle Parenting Looked Down on in the Parenting Community?
I could go on an on about other gentle parenting things that we do in our family, and things that we do as a couple to help us be the best parents we can be to our girls. Ultimately, don’t be judgy or afraid when someone says they are using gentle parenting to teach and raise their children. It could mean a number of things, this is just what it means for us. Sure there are gentle parenting specifics, and some of those we follow, but there is so much that you can tweak to be more specific towards your family, and your children. It’s what works for our family, and it really does make a difference in helping E and U become the best little girls they can be, help them to stay happy, to know they are loved, understood, willing to learn and grow. This, is Gentle Parenting at it’s Finest.
“Learning together to live well in an imperfect world, loving each other despite or even because of our imperfections, and growing as humans while we grow our little humans, those are the goals of gentle parenting.”
McKenna Sanders
The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog
I want to hear from you! Fill out the form below!
The Mom, Wife, Dream Life 