The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Ethan and I have had our fair share of hard times and moments. In just our few short years of marriage, we’ve only had a few little spats or misunderstandings while maintaining our love for one another. It’s been the best four years of my life thus far, and it’s crazy to think it’s only just the beginning still!

I like to think we were the storybook lovers who met and instantly fell in love, which, to be honest, is basically how it all happened. On our first date, we told each other we loved one another, had our first kiss, and became officially “boyfriend and girlfriend.” Now, before you think that’s crazy, we had been talking for one month before our first date… Ha.. yes, you read that right. One month of talking back and forth through text, Facebook messaging, phone calls, and FaceTime calls all across two different states, we fell in love. Now you may be asking how this managed to happen so fast, well, to be honest, I wasn’t planning on it happening that fast either.

How Did I Meet My Husband?

Here is a little backstory…I had just gotten over a relationship 4-5 months before Ethan and I began talking, and Ethan had gotten over his past relationship at the time, about 2 weeks before messaging me. When he first messaged me, I was not looking for a relationship because of how hurt I was from my previous breakup. I put my guard up because I didn’t want to get hurt again, so as the stubborn gal I am, I played hard to get.

In case you don’t know what that means, it means I acted like I wasn’t really into him in a relationship type of way, I told him we were only friends and that I didn’t want anything more than that at the time. I wanted to see if Ethan would stick around long enough to get to know me a bit before wanting to date me. To my surprise, he did. He stuck around, though we lived in two different states at the time, that didn’t stop us from having our first date.

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and I wanted to surprise him. He had no idea I was planning on showing up at his Aunt’s house, where he was having dinner with his family. Ethan’s parents were planning on making a trip down Valentine’s weekend, and I wanted to go with them to surprise him. So, my sister and I followed Ethan’s parents down to Utah in a white out blizzard just so I could show up unannounced to a boy I had been talking to for a month. My parents and their parents both agreed to play along. Looking back, our parents were incredibly patient and trusting of me and my crazy ideas.

I surprised Ethan the next day, and we spent the day with his parents, his sister, and my sister shopping and having a fun day out on the town. The following Sunday, Ethan took me on our first date. We went on a walk in the mountains in the cold, went into town, and walked around Provo for a few hours, talked a lot, and got to understand each other. It was like two best friends meeting after a long time apart, and somehow being with him felt like I was coming home from a long trip away.

That’s when I knew I loved him, but was too afraid to admit it. I knew that when he told me he loved me, I would either marry him one day, or I would have the worst heartbreak ever if it didn’t turn out like we hoped. I jumped in full heartedly, willing to try my best to do things right, to love him as best as I could, and rely fully on God to guide our relationship. I said yes to being his girlfriend, yes to marrying him, I do at the altar, and the rest is history.

How Has Our Life Been Since We Started Dating?

Our life together has been absolutely beautiful. We’ve had our moments of struggle, our miscommunications, and our small disputes, but I wouldn’t change any of it, because it’s what’s strengthened our relationship. All of those things have led us to where we are now, they shape the way we treat each other and the way we raise our children.

Ethan and I have had our fair share of miscommunication, so much so that we both thought it would be best to seek additional help to guide us in becoming better for one another and with each other. We wanted to have a better understanding of each other and be able to communicate effectively for the sake of our family.

Have We Had Any Rough Patches in Our Marriage?

About a year ago, Ethan and I were failing each other with our communication; we both felt more on edge, easily angered, and to be honest, lost from one another. I felt Ethan was being too distant, and he felt I wasn’t listening to him or his needs. We both knew that if we wanted to get better, we needed to get outside help. Sometimes that’s what’s necessary to make sure your relationship is healthy and strong. We didn’t want to pay a bunch of money quite yet to anyone if we only needed a little bit of help.

We kept our options open and finally found a free service that proved to be effective for our relationship. We had small “guidance meetings” or something similar with a professional every other week over two to three months. Though it wasn’t as often as a traditional therapy type session, it was just enough for us that we didn’t feel too overwhelmed, but it pushed us to come together.

How Did Meeting With a Professional Help Our Marriage?

During the week we didn’t have these meetings, we would have homework to accomplish before our next session. We would complete questionnaires regarding our feelings, thoughts, and goals, and watch example videos of problem-solving scenarios, learning what to do and not to do. Though we could have done this on our own time, we decided to work through these activities and requirements together.

Not only did it show that we were both equally committed to strengthening our relationship, but it proved to be beneficial knowing that we were both putting in the effort. Over those few months, our relationship grew. We both gained an understanding of how to successfully communicate with one another without jumping to conclusions and shutting down emotionally.

Though our relationship is not perfect, we continue to use these skills we learned from our sessions every time we have a conversation, especially when the conversations get a little difficult. Fully hearing what each other has to say before speaking has proven to be productive in our relationship. For us to have and accomplish our goals together as a couple, we needed that extra guidance and help from an outside source to help us dive into our relationship and constructively educate us on being the best spouses and partners we can be to one another.

What Do We Do To Build Our Dream Marriage?

Our dream life is a work in progress; sometimes it gets pushed back, and sometimes it gets sped up. No matter where we are in our dream life, we are working towards it together always because of how much work we continue to put into our relationship each day. We rely heavily on our faith (aka God and Jesus Christ) as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. Our faith keeps us strong when we feel weak, it keeps us moving forward when the weight of the world holds us back, and our faith lifts us when our burdens seem too heavy to carry on our own.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but I would say that actively trying to better or even trying to perfect it is crucial to having a healthy and fulfilling marriage. While good communication and faith are beneficial, spontaneity keeps our relationship light, fun, and entertaining, all while building our dream life together. For example, surprising one another with gifts, slipping notes into random coat pockets, unplanned intimate moments, or even just a fun date night involving the girls. Spontaneity comes in all shapes and forms, but maintaining that lighthearted entertainment in our relationship keeps the spark alive.

Keeping our marriage strong while building our dream life together has not always been easy, but through dedication and the desire to be better each day, we have been able to progressively keep our dream life at the forefront of our minds.

“All it takes is faith, trust, and some pixie dust.”

If you and your significant other are looking to improve your relationship and feel the program I mentioned above might be of interest to you, please contact me through the form below.