The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Discipline is part of every parenting technique; no matter what you call it, it’s there. Discipline shouldn’t be cruel or harsh; it should be about explaining and teaching the child or children why something is wrong instead of saying they are wrong.

Children are not wrong; they are not their mistakes. Children are perfect, they are a gift from God, and children’s brains and hearts are still malleable and learning.

What are the Main Parenting Techniques?

Let’s talk about parenting techniques and how each one has a form of discipline. 

First up is called Authoritative parenting. This type of parenting balances demandingness with high responsiveness, leading to clear expectations and rules while providing a supportive and loving environment. This type of parenting discipline is associated with strong teaching styles. The whole goal of Authoritative parenting is to help children manage their behavior and build their social skills. Parenting like this is the closest to gentle parenting as it is fully encompassed by love, support, and validation, which ultimately fosters secure and nurturing relationships between parent and child.

An example of this would be that if a child doesn’t want to put their toys away, the consequence is that the toys are put away by the parent, not a week without TV. The most important things about Authoritative parenting are communication, independence, and consistency. Encouraging independence while remaining consistently communicative with your child and/or children. This is the key to really teaching them how to grow and learn safely and lovingly. Teaching is the key here, not Punishment. Discipline should be about teaching children with love, support, validation, and building that secure relationship.

The second type of parenting is called Authoritarian parenting, which is high demandingness and low responsiveness. This style involves strict rules, high control, and little negotiation. This type of parenting expects unquestioning compliance with rules without expectations. There is limited negotiation, as the rules are not up for discussion. Punishment over positive reinforcement is considered their form of discipline. In this parenting technique, they lack communication and explanation about why something is wrong. They don’t teach; instead, they just act or say things such as, “Because I said so…” Unfortunately, this type of parenting can also result in harsh or physical punishment, which goes completely against the whole point of disciplining with teaching.

The third type of parenting is called Permissive parenting. Permissive parenting includes a low-demanding, high-responsivity style where parents are warm and loving but set very few rules, giving children a lot of freedom. This type of parenting technique avoids confrontation, offers limited guidance, and focuses on being a friend. This would be unhelpful to both the child and parents. Teaching is how children learn, and if this parenting style refuses to teach and only demands with expectations, that child or those children will grow up thinking they cannot make mistakes and that they don’t get clarification on things if they don’t know why they did something wrong. 

That’s from my understanding of it all anyway, if you choose to parent this way, I am curious to know how you discipline. Do you teach your child/children, or do you punish without explanation? I’m always willing to learn more, to expand my knowledge, and gain understanding from others’ perspectives.

What is Neglectful Parenting?

The last parenting technique we will be covering is called Neglectful (uninvolved) parenting. To be honest, I don’t even know if this should be considered parenting, because parenting itself is involvement in a child’s life and the desire to teach and help them grow as individuals. Anyway, let’s dive into it… Neglectful “parenting” is both low demandingness and responsiveness, with parents being emotionally distant and uninvolved in their children’s lives. How sad! Ugh, that breaks my heart that this is what some people choose as their “parenting style.” This should not be a style, and this is not okay. 

This technique follows little to no guidance or rules. It has emotional detachment, indifference (which means parents ignore or dismiss a child’s needs), they believe children should “fend for themselves,” parents are inconsistent or absent about structure and control, and there is very minimal supervision. Ahhhh, I don’t know about you, but I am screaming in my head. How can this be a thing?! This doesn’t teach, it doesn’t discipline, and it doesn’t even punish. There’s no right or wrong when parenting in this way, and that’s scary. For a child, how sad that they don’t get emotional help, guidance, or any idea of comfort or structure. Children thrive in a secure and safe environment and household. If they aren’t getting that, they will collapse in on themselves and probably have some major mental, emotional, and often physical struggles as they grow up. 

This type of neglect in a child’s life can cause some major damage to the child or the children in this situation. And from my understanding, the parents don’t care if they aren’t caring enough to teach and offer proper boundaries and helpful solutions to behavior. If a parent is not teaching their child, who is going to do it? Sure, teachers in school have some say in how a child can learn. But it all has to start in the home. It cannot wait until they are of age to attend public school, by that point, it might be too late. A child’s brain learns quickly; it grasps and collects data and observes behavior faster than anyone else. What they experience, learn, witness, see, hear, and deal with at home reflects on them as individuals elsewhere and for the rest of their lives. 

Why is Discipline so Important? 

This is why discipline in teaching was so critical. Punishment doesn’t teach a child why what they did was wrong or bad; rather, it teaches them that they are wrong or bad, and that’s incorrect. No person or child is inherently bad. Nobody is born evil; we all have our agency to choose in this life. What we do, what we say, how we think, respond, and act. Those things are all up to us, ourselves, as individuals. We all have morals of some kind, values, and desires. We must teach our children how to gain those skills. Teaching is the key to strong, loving, supportive, and proper discipline. When we teach, we should do it with patience so that they may not fully grasp the understanding, yet, but they will!

Keep working at it, keep trying, keep learning new ways to help your child, and how to be a better parent. Keep expanding your knowledge and increasing your own emotional maturity as you teach your child to do the same. Teaching and learning are for everyone. Just because we as parents are the main teachers of the house, doesn’t mean that our children can’t be the teachers here and there. The number of times I have learned from being taught by my children is infinite. I learn new things every day. I am not perfect, and we all make mistakes, but we can still discipline with lessons of knowledge and teaching instead of punishing quickly to get it over with. That’s not how their brains work; they don’t automatically understand that what they did or are doing is wrong, so we must teach them why it is, and provide a solution or more appropriate choice as to what they can do instead.

What if Parenting Feels Like It’s Too Much?

Parenting is not easy, but it’s also not so hard that we can’t do it. We were made to teach, made to parents, and made to learn. Just try it, and keep trying it every day. Keep doing it, if not for you, then for your kids! They deserve a parent or parents who teach them without shame and punishment. They deserve to understand, having that emotional security and a strong relationship with their grown-ups. If you weren’t taught that way, let the past end with you so you can be the parent your child needs in a world so full of misunderstanding. You got this, you can do it. If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear what you have to say.

“Adults who are respectful of children are not just modeling a skill or behavior; they are meeting the emotional needs of those children, thereby helping to create the psychological conditions for children to treat others respectfully.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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