The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Oh boy, what a memory to look back on. The day we brought home our first baby was a day forever etched into my memory. I don’t remember all the little details, but I remember the feelings, and the moment of just feeling frozen in time together, our first time as a family of three. 

What is the Experience Like When Having a Baby?

Everyone always told me that we would know what to do, exactly how to do it, and when to do it once we had the baby. They were right, that we would know what to do, how to do it, when to do it, etc. But, what they didn’t tell us was that we wouldn’t know it was normal to feel like we had no idea what we were doing.

The best way I can describe this feeling is that I know how you play the drums, but that doesn’t mean I know how to play the drums… Does that make sense? We knew that we were going to know how to raise our child, but we didn’t know that we would also know how to know when she was hungry, when she was tired, when she needed to be changed, etc. That’s so confusing when I put it into words, and I’m sorry, but it’s the truth! Ethan and I brought home our baby girl in November of 2022. We actually had to stay an extra day in the hospital, because they wanted to monitor me to make sure I stayed consistent with my bleeding afterwards.

What Happened During My First Birthing Experience?

For those of you who don’t know my birth stories, go read about them here. I was watched carefully, and I am truly grateful for those nurses who checked on me as often as they did, even if it was frustrating having them come in every other hour in the middle of the night. I was safe to go home after 3 days in the hospital. It felt strange leaving the hospital with a baby; she was safe, snuggled up and warm in her car seat strapped in the back, and we rode back home like it was a normal trip into town. We arrived home, introduced the cat to the baby, and Ethan brought everything into the house. Having everything set up before the baby arrived was very, very smart on our part, and everyone should do that. Be prepared, it’s so much less worry and stress when you get home from the hospital than if you didn’t have things set up and ready. I have a whole blog about absolute must-haves as a parent, you should read if you are having a baby soon!

What Did It Feel Like to Bring Our First Child Home?

Bringing her home was a sigh of relief; that it was done, she was here, and I didn’t have the pain and discomfort of a fully pregnant body. “Let the healing process begin” is what I told myself. Ethan was able to have paternal leave for a little while, and that was incredibly nice. He was able to stay home with me for a month and a half. That felt like so much time and not enough time all at once. My mom and a couple of my sisters were able to be there for a few days as well, and my dad came up a little later than Ethan’s parents, sister, and her husband came up for a few days during Thanksgiving. It was good to have the support of family, but also overwhelming with a new baby, and I was worried about her getting sick with all the new people she was meeting, and the RSV season coming around. I was a paranoid new mom, but I will always be that way, I think. I will always worry about my babies getting sick, and worry if they have washed their hands, if other people washed their hands, or if they will be safe in general. I would rather be paranoid and safe with my family than not paranoid and sorry later. 

After our families all left and it was just us with our baby, it was as if the world went quiet, still, and fell away. All that was there was us, Ethan, me, and our baby (and Nala, our cat). We felt fulfilled with love, peace, and ultimate happiness. We watched a lot of movies and TV shows. We played board games, card games, lounged around, went on small walks outside, and soaked in as many of the moments as we could. One night, as we were sitting down eating dinner, I turned to Ethan, or he turned to me (I don’t remember who said what), and I said, “This doesn’t feel real. It feels like we are just babysitting someone else’s baby.” We talked about that for a little bit, and that’s the truth. It felt like a fairytale, a movie, a book, and anything but real life. We just had a baby, I just birthed a baby, and we made her, together, in love. It was real, and it was beautiful to experience the smack of reality with Ethan and our baby by my side.

What is it Like to Love Your Own Child?

It’s hard to fathom the amount of love you have for your child until you hold him/her in your arms and see them for the first time. I thought I loved her while she was in my womb, but it didn’t hit me until the moment she was placed on my chest. The immediate cling of attachment, love, and full surrender to those feelings is overwhelming. I will always remember that very moment. I like to imagine that’s the feeling that Heavenly Father feels for me, and every one of us. You don’t understand that until you have a baby of your own, and you see/hold him/her for the first time. You become a different, new, and fuller person as a mom/dad. You somehow transform into who you were truly meant to be in a split second.

As a mom, I would do it over and over again just to feel that feeling of intense peace, love, and care towards my baby. I still feel it, but it’s constant now, when before it was different. As the dad, I can only imagine what it is like to watch your significant other birth the child or children you created together into this world. What an extraordinary experience that must be for the dad/husband. How empowering it must feel to have such a strong woman by his side, a woman who gave everything she had for the baby/babies. Women are strong in the sense that we literally give everything to the precious lives that grow inside our wombs. The food we consume goes to the baby. The water we drink goes to the baby. The vitamins we take and get from nature go to the baby. All of the antibodies that our bodies are constantly building and creating go to the baby. 

All the energy we have goes towards growing that baby and keeping it healthy. Our bodies are incredible, and we still don’t have all the answers to why things happen the way they do! Men are strong in the sense that they provide for their families in more than just money. He provides by supporting his wife, he provides by being her biggest cheerleader in life, but especially during labor. He provides by offering words of encouragement, light touches to remind his wife that he is there. He provides emotional stability by listening, understanding, and staying open and honest with his own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. He provides the extra help, by offering food to make sure she has energy, holding the cup of water for her to drink, dabbing her sweat from her forehead, offering his hand as a sacrifice to be squeezed, hitting play on the calming music, taking pictures of her and baby, and helping her to the bathroom because she can’t do it on her own.

What Made Laboring Easier?

I needed my man, my honey, my husband, my Ethan during labor, and all points of my pregnancy. I needed him before we had a baby, and I need him forever afterwards. He is my rock, I couldn’t have done it without him by my side. I like to think that he too couldn’t have made it through without me.

Bringing home our first baby was a memory that we will always cherish, remember, and hold near and dear to our hearts. Being able to see Ethan become a Dad was and still is a beautiful experience and opportunity. Growing our family from two hearts to more is what God intended for us, and it’s what we were born to do. I’m grateful for our children, and the light, love, and peace they bring to my life. My home is wherever Ethan and our children are, and it forever will be.

“A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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