The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Apologizing has never really been my strong suit. I’ve always struggled with it since I was a little girl. I shared my thoughts on that in another blog. You can read about it here.

Those who know how to apologize well are some of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I hope to someday be that way too, and I’m getting there, very, very slowly! One thing most people don’t know about me is that I may not be quick to apologize, but I am quick to forgive. It’s really easy for me to forgive someone, even if they have hurt me or someone I love. Does forgiving mean I have to like them or like what they did? Nope, and I hope not, because if so, maybe I’m not so good at forgiving as I thought. I don’t think it does, though. I may forgive you, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like you or will trust you again.

Why is Trust So Important?

Trust is something to be earned and gained. I may be quick to forgive, but I’m not going to automatically give you my trust back. You have to earn it back. Some people in my life haven’t earned that trust back, and that’s the way it goes sometimes. Sometimes it’s better to remember the pain, forgive, and move forward with that knowledge than it is to forgive and give the person 100% trust again and end up getting hurt again. 

When trust is broken, it’s hard to gain back, but it is possible! Through apologies, forgiveness, and honest humility, trust can then be restored. 

When Did I First Apologize to My Children? 

I remember one of the first times I genuinely apologized to my oldest, and to be honest, it was a little hard! It was hard to apologize to someone so little that they didn’t really understand. From what I can remember, I got upset and raised my voice a little louder than I should have, and she was already upset about doing something she shouldn’t have been doing. It was my job to teach her why it was wrong, not to criticize her without her knowing why. I felt awful, and immediately calmed my mind, took some deep breaths, and pulled my little girl into my arms. I hugged her, kissed her head, and told her how sorry I was for raising my voice at her. I told her that “mommy didn’t mean to react so quickly without thinking,” then I asked her if she would forgive me. 

It was so hard to admit that I was in the wrong, but I knew deep down that I was, and I wanted her to learn and understand that it’s important for us to apologize when we’ve done something wrong, mean, or hurtful towards another person. Teaching our children the importance of holding themselves accountable helps them to grow into mature, kind, and responsible human beings.

Why is Apologizing so Important? 

Learning how to apologize to our kids has been one of the greatest blessings and changes I’ve ever experienced. It’s taught me that just because I was wrong doesn’t mean that I am any less important or worthy. Apologizing not only shows the other person you take accountability and are sorry for hurting them, but it also shows you as the apologizer that you are capable of love, capable of learning, and becoming a better human being.

It is especially important as a parent to apologize to our children and to our significant others, as it offers up the opportunity for them to learn that apologizing is necessary and part of healthy relationships. Our children are constantly observing our behavior, our actions, and our words. 

How Can We Set an Example for Our Children?

When we take the time to apologize to our spouses, especially in front of our children, they see the difference it makes in our marriage and in our family. Families and marriages that apologize to one another, love one another, and continue to grow with one another. We are not perfect, which is why saying sorry is so important to our lives as human beings. Apologizing to my husband has made me a better wife and better person. Through my husband’s example, I’ve been able to learn the simplicity and depth a genuine apology can have. 

Apologies are simple because all you need to do is say “I’m sorry.” But really, it all comes down to the heartfelt meaning behind it. Do you actually mean your apology? Would you change your action, words, or reaction if you could go back in time knowing what the consequence would be? Do you want to make it up to the person? Gain their trust back? Are you seeking forgiveness, or still want to apologize even if you aren’t forgiven right away? Your honest and full apology should be because you, as an individual, care about the other person, you care about your actions, you care about your life, and your growth. One cannot apologize if they don’t care and love.

What Makes up an Apology?

A deep and sincere apology comes from the heart, which means ultimately, it comes from love. Love is something we are all capable of feeling. Sometimes it takes more effort to love, especially when someone has wronged you, or if you’ve wronged them, but I promise love is possible. With love comes genuine apologies, and with genuine apologies comes love. We are all capable of love, which means that we are all also capable of apologizing, even if it’s not your norm, even if it’s hard to say it out loud, and even if you feel nervous to do so.

Why is apologizing for Mistakes so Difficult? 

Learning to apologize is probably one of the hardest things we can learn in this life. I’m thankful I have a husband who’s so good at it, so genuine about his apologies, and always seeking to improve trust with me, seeking to grow with me, and seeking forgiveness from me. I’m even more thankful that he forgives me, loves me even when I fall short, and cares about me, even if I’m not as quick to apologize as he is. What a joy it is to do life with him, teaching me, helping me, and encouraging me to work on my imperfections. Doing so will help us as a couple and help us as parents to teach the same to our children and help our kids understand why apologizing is not always easy, but it is necessary. Apologizing to my children has changed me in more ways than one, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without the knowledge and growth I’ve had from doing so.

“Apologies aren’t meant to change the past. They are meant to change the future.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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