The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Keeping the relationship and love alive while raising little ones… Let’s talk about it! For those who don’t want to read about marriage, intimacy, love, and romance, maybe skip this blog post and read the older ones! If you don’t mind, are curious, or need some advice, welcome! All are welcome. Thank you for your continued love and support for my blogs and my content. Now, where were we…?

Keeping the love alive while raising little ones can be hard, and sometimes non-existent, if we are being completely honest. There have been little spouts here and there where Ethan and I have felt dragged, exhausted, and too much “in the groove” of daily life that we forget we need to focus time on each other, too. Taking the time out of our day, out of our week, and heck, sometimes even out of the month to just spend quality time with just each other is not easy, but it’s incredibly important to the strength and health of our marriage, relationship, and our family. 

Why is it so Important to focus on Your Relationship?

I’ve talked about it before, and I’ll say it again. If you are not taking care of your marriage and the relationship you have with your spouse/partner, your family will not be as strong or healthy as it needs to be. You and your spouse/partner are the foundation of your family; if you fall, so will everything else you are carrying the weight of, such as your children and the relationships you have with them, and as a whole family. Let’s talk a little bit about getting that spark back. What are some things that you can do to re-ignite the spark or the love you feel for each other? Here are some of my ideas that have worked either with Ethan and me or with others:

• Have a deep-ish conversation about your expectations from the other person (this helps the other person know what you expect from them, and helps you to understand what they expect from you. Once that is figured out, it’s so much easier to work towards that as a goal, because you know exactly what they need/want from you and vice versa.)
• Schedule a date night each week/bi-weekly. What Ethan and I try to do is go out on a date or create a date at home every single week. We usually involve our children in these weekly ones, as they are important to our relationship. We then schedule secluded dates away from our girls about once a month… We probably should do this more often. I tend to get nervous/anxious leaving the girls. It stresses me out, worries me, and makes me very sad to leave them.. We are working on it!
• Schedule intimacy as often as you see fit.. I would recommend at least once a week, as intimacy is crucial to maintaining that closeness and intimate vulnerability within your relationship. If you want to spice it up and schedule it more often, go for it! There are no rules for how often you have to be doing it; just make sure you are communicating your needs and desires with your partner to stay connected on that level.
• Jump out of your comfort zone a little bit. Maybe you like to sing, take your partner to do some karaoke, or put on a YouTube video and follow along at home. It could be fun, funny, and bound to get you closer together. Perhaps you are into longboarding, take your partner out and teach them how to balance on the board, then slowly help them ride. This could create a deep bond between the two of you in helping you to try each other’s interests, hobbies, and likes, all while being close together and growing your bond and relationship. 
• Get professional help. If you are struggling in your marriage and with your partner, there is no shame in asking for help. If you feel you would benefit, your partner would benefit, and ultimately, both of you would benefit from getting additional assistance and help. Do it! Sometimes life is hard, and sometimes we get stuck in ruts, and we need a little boost or push to get us back up on our feet and falling back in love. That is OKAY! Be there for your partner, love them, support them, encourage them, and accept them.

Your relationship is not and should not be defined by falling out of love or losing that spark. It’s still there, you just have to work at it a little bit to help it burn stronger, grow, and glow brighter. Once you’ve worked with your spouse/partner about getting your spark back, now what? Now you need to continue to keep it lit, keep it burning, and keep it kindled. How do we do that, though?

What Can I Do to Improve My Relationship?

On top of keeping up with your conversations, communication, date nights, intimacy, trying new things, and seeking help, you want to focus on being intentional, humble, and respectful. We are all individuals with huge opinions, personalities, and responsibilities. Perhaps you are completely different than your spouse/partner, that’s okay! You are both needed to make your marriage and your relationship work! Maybe you and your spouse/partner are super duper similar? Great! You should still have work to do to make sure that your marriage, family, and relationship are flowing smoothly and moving forward. No matter how different or similar your relationship with your significant other is, it needs to be intentional.

Being intentional with your husband/wife means that you do things with the intent of the other person in mind. If you are going to go get a drink from the gas station on your way home, do you think your husband/wife would like one too? They might tell you no, but maybe all they want is to be intentionally noticed without you having to ask. Being intentional isn’t always easy; it’s often something you learn the longer you are with your spouse/partner. You think of them when you start dating them, but it becomes more of a habit when they become your spouse. You become one together, doing things together that you wouldn’t typically do while dating, such as creating a budget together, buying your first home/car together, or having a baby. 

Being intentional comes with respect. Everyone deserves to be respected, especially by their partner/spouse. Respecting your significant other means respecting their values, their opinions, their choices, and even their hobbies, regardless of whether you agree with them or not. Having and choosing to respect someone means you see them as a person, you value them as a person, and you care about humanity. It has nothing to do with agreeing with everything they are doing, or liking/not liking what they say, do, wear, etc. 

Why is Respect So Important in a Relationship?

Respect sometimes must be earned, especially if someone has wronged you, but that doesn’t mean you go around being rude and degrading to someone just because they did something that offended you. If someone cuts you off in traffic, they are a person; you have no idea what they are dealing with, and they deserve your respect, even if it wasn’t very respectful of them. I’m not talking about the deeper meaning of respect, which corresponds with trusting the person. I’m talking about basic human decency and courtesy. Deeper respect is what must be earned. Basic human decency respect is and respect should always be given. Sometimes you can be kind and decent to someone, but still not trust them. For instance, strangers, or random people you don’t know or don’t yet know. You probably wouldn’t fully trust them, but you still respect them and are polite to them.

Sometimes people don’t respect you, regardless of the basic respect or the deep respect; sometimes you aren’t given the respect you deserve. If that’s the case, have you talked to the person about why they are treating you the way they are? Have you apologized if you’ve done something that hurt them? Good communication could help diffuse the situation and help you gain some respect back, but it’s not a guarantee that you will be given that deep respect back. 

Is it Difficult to Forgive Others?

It’s hard to trust people, but sometimes letting go of the past is the best way we can learn to trust again. This is not for every situation; some situations require deeper action, such as removing yourself from the situation or sometimes a relationship for the benefit of you and your family. This is a hard decision to make, but oftentimes it’s needed to ensure that everyone keeps the respect they deserve from a distance.

Humility plays a huge role in both gaining respect and giving respect, being intentional, and having and maintaining a healthy relationship with your significant other. Humility means a modest or low view of one’s importance. This doesn’t mean you see yourself as less important per se, but I do think it means you see yourself just as important. We are all important, we all bring something new/different to the table, and we are all worthy of love. 

Is it Okay to have differing Opinions from your Spouse?

Your partner is not your enemy. Just because you see things differently, or you have different opinions or hobbies, does not mean they are superior or more important than you are, and vice versa. Just because you got higher grades in school, or because you got invited to all the parties in college, doesn’t give you a higher importance than your partner. 

Who cares if you were the most popular or the least popular? Your value is not and should not be defined by how liked you are or how many people you do or don’t know. Be humble, choose to value yourself just as much as you value your significant other or anyone else, but also value your partner just as much as yourself, and if you haven’t told them in a while that you value them and they are important to you, I encourage you to tell them.

What Can I Do to Keep the Love Alive While Raising Children? 

Keeping the love alive while raising little ones doesn’t have to be as hard as you are making it out to be. Start back with the simple things, hold one another’s hands as you shop through the grocery store, be chivalrous when opening doors for one another, leave little notes for your partner to find that tell them how much you love them or that you are thinking of them, utilize your love languages, and find ways to reconnect. 

Keeping your relationship strong doesn’t have to be all fancy and doing all the expensive things just to grow a closer bond; it all starts from within your heart and your home, where you deepen that bond between the two of you. If you need some ideas, refer back to my list I shared above to rekindle your love life. It takes work, but I promise that it works with both of you putting in the effort; your love life doesn’t have to be nonexistent just because you have other priorities. Make the effort, and make your relationship with your significant other a priority in your life.

“Love like rain can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

I want to hear from you! Fill out the form below!