The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Everything I do, say, feel, think, hear, care about, love, despise, etc. Is all known only by one person. Only one person truly understands me exactly as I am, and if you haven’t guessed who that person is, let me give you another hint. He knows you exactly as you are, too. He knows you personally, deeply, and intimately. God is the only person ever to know each of us; He knows all and hears all. Sometimes it’s hard for us to fathom that, as our minds are not fully capable of understanding a lot of things quite yet.

I am a lucky woman, as I not only have God by my side, willing to hear me, see me, love me, and guide me, but I also have a person who comes in at a close second, and that is my sweet,, sweet husband. Ethan knows basically everything about me, but as far as I know, he cannot read minds or know exactly what my next word, action, or emotion will be. He gets lucky, though, sometimes as we are often on the same “wavelength” and say the same thing at the same time a lot. 

How can we help others in their times of need? 

We have no idea what other people are really going through, and most of the time, we will never really know unless we ask and they tell us. Even then, most of the time, it’s vague and probably not our business to even know. Feeling invisible is something I’m good at; I’m pretty good at hiding in the corner, being shy, and then feeling alone. It’s something I need to work on, but I’m good at not being talked to and not being invited to things. It sucks, but I think I’ve accepted that the people who want to talk to me, and want to invite me, will, and those who don’t, won’t. It’s a hard realization, and I get sad thinking about it too much sometimes, but that’s okay! I have my best friend (my husband) who always wants to spend time with me, talk to me, and always wants to invite me no matter what, and I greatly appreciate that, as the feelings are mutual.

I know a lot of you moms out there are feeling invisible, too. Just please know, if you take anything from this blog at all, that you are not alone. I feel that way too, as do many other moms, dads, and adults in general. I always thought that I would have a bunch of mom friends, and friends of both my husband and me in general, that we would all get together as often as we could,, and our kids would play and grow up togethe,r, basically becoming family, and we would have so much fun. I remember as a kid, my parents had friends like that, and it was the best. I want that for my kids too, and it just hasn’t happened yet, and that’s okay! I know someday it will!

What are the small wins as a parent?

Along with feeling invisible, we moms (and dads, too) often don’t get credit where it’s deserved. The wins we don’t talk about aren’t seen, and often looked over and disregarded. For instance, here is a list of things that are overlooked, and I would consider wins for moms and dads that are invisible to anyone else:

• Transitioning your baby to a toddler bed
• Getting your toddler to eat anything remotely healthy
• Your toddler is is going pee in the potty but refusing to go poop (one is better than none!)
• Kids are playing together (even if it’s short-lived)
• Your baby sleeps for 2+ hours straight 
• Doing the dishes
• Washing your bedding
• Drinking water (or any drink) without prying hands to have a sip (doesn’t bother me)
• Eating your full meal without anyone taking food off of your plate (this doesn’t bother me, but I know some parents would love this)
• Peeing alone (if you know, you know)
• Eating the treat you hid without any little eyes seeing you
• Getting the kids buckled into their carseats without the fight
• Kids fall asleep on the road trip right off the bat
• Going the full day without a blowout or accident (from the kids… although that’s a win if you don’t have one yourself either!)

Whatever it may be, wins come in all shapes and forms, and are often not noticed by the outsiders or anyone around you unless you tell them directly. You are growing! As a mom, as a parent, as a guardian, a teacher, an example, and it’s so hard to see right now. Not only this, but your children are learning from you and your accomplishments, just as much as you are learning from theirs. 

Why is unseen growth so important?

When my little girls see me succeed at doing something, whether it’s putting the laundry away, or staying calm when I’m upset, they are observing. They watch everything that we do as parents, whether we notice them noticing or not. We are seen, if not by those around us, then 100% by God, our children, and hopefully our spouses as well. I promise that your efforts, your actions, words, and feelings do not go unnoticed in the presence of your children. They may not say anything about it, but they are watching you, observing you, and learning from you. Make sure that whatever you do, it’s with good intentions, and that it’s something you would want to see your children following. 

Your baby might not be able to verbally thank you for always feeding them, changing their diaper, and making sure they are safe in their crib or car seat, but they may show you by that little grin, the bubbly laugh, and even by crying until they are held only by you. You are their safe space, their comfort zone, and they love you. They love that you love them and are willing to work so hard for them. They love that you are willing to set aside your own needs to make sure theirs are met. You are not invisible to them. You are winning the best mom award in their eyes. You are growing into your role as mom, mama, mother, mommy. You may not be where you want to be quite yet, but I can promise you, that someday, you will look back and think or say to your spouse, “wow… honey, we did that, we didn’t know what we were doing, but somehow we did it, and we couldn’t be more proud.” You are growing, and that’s important to remember.

I hope you know that you are worth celebrating! Your growth,, whether it’s seen by others or not,, is worth celebrating too. You are seen, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Life will get better, your mindset will get better, and you will be seen. Turn to those people that do see you, and if needed, ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help, as that’s what we would want for our loved ones. We would want them to ask if they needed it, so why not ask if you do? I am here for you, as your friend, as a mom who understands and often feels invisible too. You are not alone. Celebrate all the wins, the big and the small, the unseen and the seen wins, you will grow as a mom as you do so.

“Being a mother is not about what you gave up to have a child but what you gained from having one.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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