The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

I get down in the dumps more often than I’d like to admit. Usually about different things here and there and whatever’s going on in my life at the time. There was a time, though, that I struggled with Ethan going to work, and me staying home all day, every day with our girls.

If you are a working mom, either from home or out of the house, go you! If you are a stay-at-home mom, go you! Either way, however you are nurturing your children and providing them with the love they still need and deserve, you are doing a phenomenal job. Just because a mom decides to stay home doesn’t always mean that she will be present in her children’s lives, and just because a mom chooses to work outside the home doesn’t mean that she is distant from her children. Regardless of what you do as a mom, make sure that it counts. Be there for your children as best you can be. 

Is it difficult to be a Stay-At-Home Mom?

With that being said, choosing to be a stay-at-home wife goes the same way. If you are a working wife, good for you! If you are a stay-at-home wife, good for you! Make the effort to be the best wife you can be to your husband in or out of the home. Staying home doesn’t mean staying stagnant.

What I mean by this is just because I am choosing to stay home to raise our children while Ethan works outside of the home currently, it does not mean that I am not working, or fulfilling my responsibility to care and provide. I don’t make the money in our home (right now anyway), but that doesn’t mean I’m not providing for our family. While Ethan makes the money, handles the finances, and does most of the projects around the house, I do most of the indoor household responsibilities, most of the cooking, and teach our children. Not to say that we don’t share some of these responsibilities, but for the most part, that’s how it’s divided up right now in our lives.

Why is being a Stay-At-Home Mom Hard?

There was a time, a few months back, when I felt like I didn’t do anything to help out with money. Which, to be honest, I didn’t really. That was hard for me to come to terms with, but after taking the time to talk with Ethan and communicate my feelings, I realized that we both are critical to the success of our family. We are both needed to make sure that our marriage and the relationship, and the health of our children are prioritized. Without Ethan going to work and making sure that we are taken care of financially, we wouldn’t be able to have our home, our vehicles, food, and other necessities. Without a home, I wouldn’t be able to do household chores and responsibilities, I wouldn’t be able to feed our children proper meals and snacks throughout the day, and we wouldn’t be able to provide the life that our children deserve.

Without me staying home, our household chores wouldn’t get done. Our laundry would pile up until the weekend, and we would barely get everything washed, let alone put away. Our dishes would remain dirty and in the sink, and I wouldn’t get along with our girls. Being able to stay home has been a huge blessing for me. 

Why does it feel like I am failing?

I’ve often felt like I was failing, or that I was slacking as a wife and as a mother, especially because I stay home. I don’t know how to not feel this way other than to look at the facts. I understand that what I do at home is just as important as my husband working, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wish I could do more. I want to help out; I don’t want our family to feel stressed or anxious about bills and providing for our family. Yeah, I do understand that everyone struggles with something, everyone struggles to pay the bills sometimes, and everyone still has to put food on the table. I know that we are doing just fine, and logically speaking, we are doing great., I tend to get inside my head too much and feel so much like a failure as a wife and mom that it’s hard to see the efforts I am putting in. 

I know I am a good wife. I know I am a good mom. Good always has room to improve to be great. That’s what I want to be and strive for! I want to be amazing at my roles in life, and feel like I’m amazing. I don’t want to just do amazing, but be amazing. This is why staying home is not stagnant. I do so much at home, and sometimes don’t feel I do enough. From washing, folding, and putting away all the laundry, cleaning and putting away the dishes, vacuuming the house, keeping the floors clean of dirt, hair, and grime, entertaining the girls, teaching the girls, trying new things to expand their knowledge and imaginations, and making sure we are all fed and healthy. These are just the normal things; there are other days when I do more, and some days I do less. Whatever life throws at us, we do our best to accommodate and arrange to fit things in. 

Do I Enjoy Being Home all day?

I get to stay home because I want to. I get to stay home, because that is where I am most needed right now at this point in my life. I get to stay home because my husband and children deserve a clean, taken care of home and life. I get to stay home, because I know that nobody can teach our children the values, goals, and attributes that we want them to gain better than we can as their parents. I get to stay home, because it ensures that the house is taken care of and all encompassing responsibilities are handled each day. I get to stay home.

Just because I stay home doesn’t mean I’m stagnant. It doesn’t mean that I don’t work. It doesn’t mean that I’m lazy. It doesn’t mean that I have it easy. It doesn’t mean that I “gave up.” It doesn’t mean that I’m a failure. It doesn’t mean that I don’t provide care, or support my husband and children. All of these comments I have heard, if not about me specifically, then about moms (or dads) who stay home while their spouse works. We as human beings often judge way too quickly, and instead, we should be kind, respectful, forgiving, and willing to learn from each other. We have no idea what is going on in someone else’s life. We don’t know what their situation is like, and why they are doing something. We all have our own busy lives. Often I find myself feeling sorry for my own life and how nobody talks to me outside of family, really (I have about 2-3 people that I consider my friends that talk to me outside of family, and those ladies know who they are, my other mom friends. 🙂 Thank you!) I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, because I have just as much agency and right to reach out to anyone as they do to me.

Why is it hard to Keep Friends as a Young Family?

I think I get frustrated because both Ethan and I feel we reach out so much, and then we never really get reached out to; it’s always us reaching out to them. (at least that’s how it feels…) We can’t be the only people who feel this way. Needless to say, it’s so easy to focus on ourselves, but we should be asking ourselves, What am I doing to be a good friend? Do I reach out to people I care about? Am I judging too quickly, or do I take the time to get to know them? I want to be the person who actively seeks to learn about others, and learn why they choose to be a stay-at-home/mom/parent/spouse. I want to know why they choose to work outside the home, and what motivates them to do it. I like to know people, I like to learn about them and from them. I like people to ask me things too; I want to be talked to, learned from, and heard. 

No matter if you stay home or work outside the home. Regardless of what you are doing, and what you choose to do in this aspect, you are working. You work in the home, and/or you work out of the home. Your work is work, and it’s important to you and your family! It may not be fun all of the time, but it will be so worth it! Providing for your family is and should be a priority. If that means you work to make the money, great! If that means you stay home and tend the kids and clean the house, great! You are worth it, your work is worth it, and your efforts are appreciated, even if it’s not always said. Staying home doesn’t mean staying stagnant. It’s a choice I choose to make, and it’s a responsibility I choose to have. What do you do to provide for your family?

“If family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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