The Mom, Wife, Dream Life

Is your life messy? Does your significant other, your kids, your animals, or even yourself make messes? Do you ever forget about the mess until you walk in on it and begrudgingly clean it up? Or do you simply leave it for another time?

No matter what kind of mess is in your life, we all have them. A mess can be anything from the little boogie hanging out of your nose on a first date, to your toddler dumping all their toys out and scattering them across the whole house. Whatever it may be, it’s probably on your mind. If you are anything like me, those little messes in your life often become overwhelming and tend to overtake your thoughts and sometimes feelings. It’s hard not to think about them, especially when it’s actively occurring in your life.

What if I told you that the mess can stay a mess? Would you panic and want to disagree and clean it up quickly, or would you contemplate my words and think about the mess and why it’s considered a mess to you? 

What Can I Do When My House Always Seems to Be a Mess?

Why do the toys all thrown around the house have to be considered a mess? Could they not simply be considered entertainment and opportunities for your child or children to learn and grow? Those toys are what your child has control of in life. They get to play with them and learn from and with them. Sharing is a crucial part of the development of a child. Sharing truly does mean caring. It shows that they are willing to take turns, to appreciate the other person, and learn to actively regulate their emotions. Emotions are heavy when it comes to little kids, they don’t fully know how to cope, carry, or express their emotions in a way that we (adults) would fully understand. So really, it’s often like speaking a different language and trying to communicate. By teaching your child to share with others, it helps them form those healthy relationships with their own emotions, it helps them to form relationships with the other person, and helps them to respect the other person’s emotions as well. 

Maybe you really are on a first date, and something embarrassing happened that made it a bit messy. For example: you had a boogie in your nose the whole time and your date didn’t say anything, maybe you slipped on the ice and did an awkward dance trying not to fall flat on your face, or maybe you somehow managed to spill your drink all across the table and all over your date. Those things happen to the best of us! I have heard some hilarious stories, but in all fun and games, life is a bit messy, and just because you do everything you possibly can to be neat, that doesn’t mean it will always be that way for you. Sorry, but it’s the truth. 

How Can I Make the Most Out of the Memories We Create? 

Sure, life has a few messy and embarrassing moments, but what is even better than messes is memories. Being a Mom has taught me that messes are more of a constant occurrence now than it was when we didn’t have kids, but that also means my girls are having fun. When someone walks into our home, they probably see toys thrown around, food stains on the floor, the couch, and sometimes the walls. They also see smiling faces and hear little giggles, because two little girls live here, and are having the time of their lives. They are using their little imaginations and playing. Play is another one of those crucial parts of a child’s development. Play is their groundwork for their future successes. It’s been proven time and time again that a child who plays and is played with is more successful and developmentally more mature than a child who doesn’t play or isn’t played with. When someone walks into our home, they know children live here, and they know the children are happy and incredibly loved. Most of them don’t see a mess, they see children’s lives filled with creativity, imagination, and the learning of important life skills. 

Creating memories comes pretty easily to me, as I would assume it does for most people. You can correct me if I’m wrong on that. I’m pretty sure it all has to do with how you see life, and if you want to create the memory or not. I am choosing to cherish these memories with my girls playing and creating those tiny messes. Do they sometimes do things they aren’t supposed to do, such as coloring on the walls, yes, but do they learn why we don’t color on walls, but we can color on more coloring-appropriate things? Also, yes! Just because something doesn’t go smoothly or that parenting isn’t always glamorous, doesn’t mean you can’t make memories. Memories don’t always have to be the emotionally happy times, they can be sad times, goofy times, exciting times, and even scared times. 

Why are Memories So Important to Create? 

The definition of memories is something remembered from the past; a recollection. In other words, it can be anything you remember happening. Most of the time, we want to remember the memories that are sentimental and uplifting, but sometimes it’s important to remember the memories that were frustrating and sad, because they help us to push forward and can remind us why doing or not doing something can lead to certain consequences. 

The memories that I will forever hold near and dear to my heart since becoming a mom often involve both my girls and my sweet husband. Seeing Ethan interact with them, smile at them, laugh with them, and getting them to dance has been the most touching moments. I chose Him, and with my fantastic choice of a husband, together we made the incredibly beautiful, sweet-spirited little girls. Their little giggles fill my heart, and being able to do that with their amazing dad is even better!

What Memories do I Remember?

Memories are a funny thing. You never know what will fully become a stuck memory until the moment has passed. When we went on our family vacation this last March to Hawaii, I thought our most memorable experiences were going to be all of us splashing around in the water and playing on the beach. While those memories are super fun to reminisce on and definitely will be cherished forever, I have other ones that somehow hold a deeper precedence in my mind and heart. For instance, E got to sleep in our room while we were on the trip, but the VRBO we stayed in had a huge closet we were able to set up a blow-up mattress inside it for her. We kept the door cracked open so she could come out if needed. Baby, U slept in a pack n play at the edge of the bed. One morning, we were all slowly waking up, and E was still asleep when I checked on her. I was nursing baby U when all of a sudden E says, “Mommy, can I get up?” I said, “Oh! You are awake! Yes, you can get up.” She immediately came running out of her little make-shift room and jumped up onto the bed with me and baby U. Though it wasn’t some big event, it melted my heart, and has been such a sweet little memory to look back on.

Other memories that are starting to form for me have been watching my two girls learn to play with one another. E has been really into giving Baby U toys, and wrapping a blanket around her so that if she falls while sitting, she falls onto the blanket. E has been watching Ethan and me do this, so getting to see her copy that kind act is such a great reminder that kids are incredibly observant and want to do good things. They want to be just like their parents/guardians. Kindness that comes from a child is rewarding as a parent, and especially when it’s directed at their sibling(s). These moments where I get to experience the sympathy E has for U, and the joy that lights up U’s eyes when she sees E, will be the moments I forever want to have memories about. 

How Can I Make Memories While My Life Seems a Mess?

Messy times will come and go in each of our lifetimes. I hope you can choose to see the mess as a memory, to take a step back and look at the mess as something to cherish and learn from. Even if it’s not a mess that you want to necessarily remember, maybe you can remember the way you felt, or remember what you did to help make the moment better. It’s okay to not clean up a mess right away, if it’s not hurting anyone/anything, and it can easily sit for a little while, let it. Soak in those moments, you get to create the memories. Why let the mess take control when you can see it as a moment in time to be accepted and looked back on?

“Memories are warm blankets to warm us on the coldest nights.”

McKenna Sanders

The Mom, Wife, Dream Life Blog

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